day 67

It feels really good to be me. I have been reading this book called No More Mr. Nice guy at first i thought i didn't need it. I needed the book No More Mr. a--hole. What a difference it has made in me. It basically talks about taking control of your life again with the needs that you have. I have started by being firm and assertive and telling my wife my needs. I do know that i can not be overbearing and mean, but i do have needs. I was always thinking of her needs and of our sons needs before mine. I like to play golf and i would feel so guilty about leaving them, so i would drink more to drowned the guilt. Then i would get home and be in trouble for drinking to much then i would really feel bad for going. Or i would be like see i can't go do anything i want without getting in trouble for it. How crazy is that i also know my wife has needs to go do things and i would be like see she doesn't want to spend time with me. That is even crazier she needs to go do things also. Two people that work together is a relationship, not one person feeling sorry for them self. I really feel my confidants coming back at a high rate of speed. This is so good but also a Little scary. To much confidantes made me start drinking again in 07. I now have a really good support system to fall back on and help with that urge. I do not want to drink ever again and lose what i could have in my family. But it is so nice to have that swagger back again. Since i started drinking again and now have stopped again i have really lost a lot of me. It feels so good to have it coming back and i am starting to open my world back up. I don't ever want to go down that road again i want to stay on the good path. This blog feels so good to help pour out my emotions. I really love all the comments and positive feed back, Shadow, Banana Girl, Tony, Aaron, Indistinct, Shannon and Syd you guys rock. I thank you so much and Richard i do love the phone calls.

I have nothing but hope for me and my wife. Damn it feels good to be me!