Well my wife wants this marriage to be over. She wants it to be over because she knows that i will hurt her again. How can you convince someone that you love so much that you don't want to hurt them. Even though that is all that you have done. I know it is impossible to go through a relationship with out someone getting hurt at sometime. Feelings are going to get hurt even if it happens on accident. I have never woke up in the morning with the goal to hurt my wife. It has always been a reaction to me to lash out and that's what i need to change. I know that i control my future by not drinking and i have a very good control on that. Not once has the thought of having one entered my mind in the last month when all of this started to surface with her. I know she is so proud of me for entering AA the smile on her face said it all last night. I know she loves me but is not in love with me. I know this relationship can work. I know that i will never intently hurt her with words that a drunk would say. I know that it would be best for us to live together and raise are son. I know that my love for her will never fade even when we divorce and she will own the rights to my heart for a long time. I know we can not move in that direction until she figures her self out first but does she want to try, that is the question.
My priorities are :
1. Staying sober
2A. My son
2B. Supporting my wife
3. My job
The future of this relationship looks very bleak.
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4 comments:
It would be great if she would get into Al-Anon and understand her own hurt and anger. Those feelings start to subside once you name them and own them. I hope that happens for her. All you can do is take care of yourself and stay sober. The rest is up to God.
give her time. give yourself time. don't dwell too much on this. rather concentrate on the good, it has a habit of mirroring out...
It will be fine...keep beathing.
When we hurt others and then realize it much later, we think that since we are better, they need to be better too. It took the amount of pain it took to get you in the rooms. Let her have the amount of anger or pain or whatever she needs to sort out her true feelings. Remember: Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. That is where she is right now. she knew you as a drunk. She doesn't know you as a sober man. Give her some time to see the real you and no matter what, you will still have the real you and so will your son.
Great list at the end. It is amazing how 2A,2B and 3 fall in line if you do #1 by working the steps.
When all in the world looks bad and there seems to be no hope, just remember there's always one place to look for support and friendship. The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are many rooms like ours in the world and the choice is ours to recieve what they give. We will never find the understanding, patience and tolerance of us anywhere else in the world.
God bless AA :)
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