Perspective. How can things change for the positive? Just a lot of praying and hope and therapy. My wife's homework for the week was to right me a letter and tell me about all the hurt i have caused her. I knew most of it but i didn't know how deep and how fresh the wounds still where. I cried a lot, just to look at her and remember all of the things she was talking about. It was like tearing a old band aid off when it has been on the skin for to long. The rest of the band aid is all sticky and slick but the blood from the cut has dried to the paper. When you pull it off the cut reopens and feels even deeper and bleeds a lot more. But the wound is healing and is getting smaller and just like ever thing it just needs time. It will fully heal and leave a scar as a reminder of what and how it got there. All you can do is redress it and try to move forward. That is when the real healing begins but that scar is important to remember.
This separation was such a negative for me at the start. How can we work on us if we are not together. But if we are not right with are self how can we be right with any one else. Time does heal all wounds and being away from her makes me want to be the right man for me and her. I know i will never drink again and it creeps into my mind like a unwanted cold breeze. But if you have on the right clothes the cold can't over take you. I need to keep it right in my head and understand the way this genetic defect works and the evils that come with it. I have a amazing support group of friends and my wives father is a huge influence on me. If there is any one person who should be mad at me it is him, for the way i have treated his little girl. But he is not and he just wants us to be together and happy because that what she wants. There is so many people i can let down by drinking again starting with myself. Are friend have said we love Rich when he is sober but after a few he can be a real dick. I always had the attitude of screw them i do what i want. When they really could see the scared little boy i would become after a few. Clarity of the mind is a powerful thing and with the right mind set and attitude i can do anything. That is something hard for me to believe but it is starting to come around. The self doubt that comes with drinking is a wicked and cruel companion of alcohol.
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2 comments:
it's so heartening to see the lightbulbs coming on. best wishes to the both of you!
Keep writing and going to the meetings and embracing the steps. It will get much easier day by day. Just trust it. It works, it really does. J.
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