Wednesday, December 10, 2008

78 days

I don't know what to feel anymore. Is this the new life she so desperately wants. To be free and on my own is such a hard thing to think about. I really don't want this to end but it is not my choice. She has made it loud and clear this is what she wants and i hate the choice she has made. I really hate the choice.

2 comments:

Shadow said...

hey sweet guy! you have to let go (pleading). you cannot control another. and you'll end up hurting yourself if you don't. remember the bird... let it go. if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was... hugs!

indistinct said...

We drank to get away from our feelings. We created our feelings to give us an excuse to drink.

When I get to that spot where I don't want to feel anymore (and I had that a lot in the first year of sobriety, still get it today) I need to talk to someone in the program. Needed to reach out, pick up the phone, have coffee with my sponsor, use all the tools of AA to help me stay sober.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

It was very difficult to admit just how powerless I was. I really really struggled with this admission. I wanted to control all my circumstances but discovered I couldn't. Until I could accept that, I really struggled.