Tuesday, January 13, 2009
the end of her and i 112 days
Well she wants to date other people, so this is now really over. I feel lied to the whole time we have been separated. She never wanted to work on this, she (in her own words) was waiting for me to realize that this was over. Then why string me along, why not just say it was over. The lies hurt far more then the truth does. So after hearing all of this i did a little redecorating. All of the pictures of us and most of the stuff she wants is in the garage. That is what i need to do, to start getting her out of my life. I just feel so used and betrayed just tell the f-ing truth and be a adult about it. The desire to drink was very heavy last night but she is not worth it. I'm to strong for that, i love my new path and me to do that again. So here i am 36 years old, a 3 1/2 year old son and i have been "fixed". I feel like real damaged goods who would want to date me. I have so much to offer but right now i feel about as low as i ever have in my life. I hate her right now and i know that it will go away with time but damn it hurts. I asked her if i was still drinking would we still be married and she said yes because she could not trust me with our son. My life will get better but it sucks right now, i really need something good to happen for me. Two months of this and blogging has put the last sentence of my first blog back in my head. I'm a lost soul in my own life full of my own mistakes. Life really sucks right now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle... I know its cliche but its true. Hold on. We're all pulling for you.
Your doing the right thing by talking about it. Keep on talking about it, reach out to others and share your pain. Stay connected with folk, with your sponsor, members of your group, friends.
Hang in there.
i say, let her date. she'll soon find out that good guys are hard to come by. i say, and thank god you do too, she's not worth drinking over. i say, you're better off alone than married to someone who's too worried to leave you alone with your own child. i say, you may be a lost soul, but that's temporary, you're on the road to finding yourself. i say, your own life full of your own mistakes is better than a life you haven't lived 'cause you can't remember half of it, and the half that you can remember, you feel guilty about. i say, you'll get to that good life. i say, that good life will find YOU. stick it out!
Sounds like you are having a tough time. I feel for you. I am impressed with your determination to not let anything or anyone hurt your sobriety. You're not damaged goods. Keep doing the next right thing and everything will work out. When God closes a door, He always opens another one. Take care.
Something real good is happening to you: it is called Sobriety. Never forget that and you will be fine. Maybe not today. But it will come if you want it and work for it. What is your sponsor telling you? Hang in. It will get better and you know how important that is for your baby boy. He is the cutest thing and so sweet. The two of you together are quite a picture and when you brought him to the meeting, I was so touched. Energetic, just like his daddy. Just continue like Shadow says to be one of the Good Guys. They always come out on top. Don't make her anger yours. It is not a burden alcoholics are designed to carry. Too heavy and too dangerous. Keep talking, start sharing, and let the guys at the meeting help you. And remember, the anger you have right now about being lied to is exactly the same anger she had when you let her down by drinking. Time is your friend. Let it do its work for you. You are not alone. And with AA you never will be. J.
If you find the path you are on leads you to hell....
Don't stop to feel how hot it is...
Keep walking you will eventually get out.
Fish
Post a Comment