Well life still sucks and I'm the only one to blame. I have learned that in all of my drunk anger i was really mad at me not her. She just became the focus of my anger and my vent. I will not hurt anyone because of booze again, i know that I'm to blame. It's kind of ironic that me being mad at me made me hurt the one i love the most in this world. I have really started to look at my past to learn from it and to not make the same mistakes over again. How stupid am i, i hate the fact that i drink so lets drink more that makes no sense to me now. When i was drinking it made all the sense in the world. So i have made a list of things i will not do anymore.
1. Drink (That ones a given)
2. Hurt anyone important to me
3. Hide from myself anymore
4. Let anyone or thing control me like the way beer did
5. Stand up for myself and the important people in my life
This is just a start there will be more to add but i feel this is a good honest start.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
That's the hardest thing to realize when we're hurting is... maybe its me? But the most important. Congrats on your '121'!
it can be a blessing to find out the WE are the problem. b/c in reality we are the only ones we can change anyway right?!
so yeah - i heard byron katie say once ' i hated you, i hated me ' (before she founded 'the work').. meaning there is no one that we are NOT. when u begin to love yourself, you'll find love for others comes naturally.
121 looks like a good number. congrats.
Glad that you have 121 days. Not hiding from yourself is really important. And learning to like yourself without booze is also a good thing. It sounds like a very good plan of action to me.
mmm, yes. reminds of that saying about having to change your actions to get different results. and it's the changing of the actions that's so hard to do...
It's a big moment to realize that we need to take responsibility for our own lives. That realization, for me, was a big gift from working the steps.
Looking at ourselves is hard work. Looks like your doing the work. Way to go!
Here a couple of my favorite paragraphs out of the 12 and 12, on page 116:
"As we made spiritual progress, it became clear that, if we ever were to feel emotionally secure, we sould have to put our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have to develop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhood with all those around us. We saw that we would need to give constantly of ourselves without demand for repayment. When we persistently did this, we gradually found that people were attracted to us as never before. And even if they failed us, we could be understanding and not too seriously affected.
When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows not would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care."
Post a Comment