Why can't life go as i want it to. Is this so much to ask for, i know the answer. If every ones life went as they wanted it to, life would be boring. It's the future and the unexpected that is what makes life great. I would not want to have a crystal ball (except for the lotto numbers) where would the fun in knowing the future be. With everything going on in my life i still don't want to know the way it's going to work out. The pain I'm going through know will only make me stronger down the road. I will be the best person that i can be everyday, try to do the right things and live by my compass. I don't want to hurt anyone again that was the main reason for me to quit drinking. Now that's only part of the reason i need to be me not to hide from life. I don't need to hide from my past or let it ruin my future but embrace it and learn from it. I was told today that I'm a selfish person, what I'm being selfish by finally talking about my feelings my wants my desires. Who i want to be how i want things to work in my life. I'm a smart man and i have spent so much of my time on this earth doubting me. Choosing to hide from me and my issues that we all carry around with us. Now that I'm finally in touch with those feelings and willing to talk about them. To be open and honest about what makes me tick, that makes me selfish. I will take this new me over the coward that would hide from himself and everyone else, in a bottle any day.
So here i am world a new man who is open and honest about my needs and wants. The things that are important to me. The people i want to surround myself with. So come and get me i have lived at the bottom for so long and took the one i loved there with me. I'm on my way out of the cellar and if this new standard of life i want for me and my son is selfish then so be it.
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a mans new world of living with out alcohol
3 comments:
your writing moved me today. on your way up and out indeed.
RC,
It was so wonderful to see you and your boy at the meeting. Keep coming. Your transformational path may not reveal itself to you with the speed you desire, but it is coming so long as you don't drink today. And today. and today. I know you get that. Say the serenity prayer. It helps. You will find actual courage to change the things you can. I think you are being overwhelmed by the things you can't. But that is ok. They will one day shortly, walk hand in hand in harmony. Trust it.
love ya bro miss ya bro
fish
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