This turning things over to my HP is a little harder then i thought it would be. I still feel me wanting to be in control of everything, i have all the sayings going through my head. Only live in the now, 24 hours at a time, what ever happens i can handle it and so on. The new aspects of my life like should i call or text, the need to be in control has gotten me where i am now. This person said they would call later in the week i need to let It go and wait and see. Trusting my HP is VERY NEW to me but me being in control didn't work out so well. I do not feel the need to hide from anything or any one (mainly me). It feels good to set boundary's with people and to stick to them, I'm a good guy but no more Mr. Nice Guy. What i mean by that is i won't be walked on or do things that are not right for me. To stand up for me because no one else will. I have seen the change in other people around me with this new philosophy. If i will stand up to you i will also stand up for you. I see the change in the people i work with there are no more little extra shots or cracks on my character. In return there have been no extra cracks on there faults ether. I won't be put down and I'm not putting anyone down. The respect that i feel for me is at the highest it has been in a very long time like 20 years. It still amazes me how much i hid from everyone and everything living in a bottle. I'm way to good of a man to go back to that again.
I know that I'm rambling again and that there is hardly any flow to this post. The thoughts that are racing in my head and I'm trying to get them all out and to make some sense to anyone who reads this. SO what do i need to do, Turn things over, don't sweat the little things. If this new person calls great, if not great. I learned from this weekend that i can do the things, like talk to the opposite sex and spend time with them SOBER. All of these small steps of retaking over my life are hard yet very satisfying also.
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It took me this long to figure out how to write on this. I am adding in some things I have want to say from earlier blogs. You are not giving yourself enough credit. You have always been a good person. You are a great dad, great person, and a truely great friend. It is not your fault the marriage failed, to took her lack of effort to do that. To make a marriage work you have to make compromises. You did that her not so much. I don't blame you for drinking, sometimes you needed an escape. I still like her, and think she is a good mother, but I don't think I will be able to respect her again. You fight for the things that are important to you. In 17 years we have never fought, not once. It didn't matter who was doing the goofy shit at the time. My door is always open and you will always have a place to stay. When ever you need just give a yell. Summer, the kids and I will always be there for you.
Guido
Turning things over to my HP is something I have to do daily because I'm always wanting to take my will back.
You're doing great, one day at a time.
little by little, that's how it goes. you can see it, others can see it. i'm so happy for you!!!
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