127 days. This anger bug has bitten me right in the ass today. I'm so f-ing pissed off i have been this way all day. Screw the world, screw everyone and everything. I worked out and that didn't help, i went for a bike ride that didn't help. I miss my son the time away from him is so damn hard i want to be with him all the time. I want to keep doing the right things for him and me. Everywhere i turn it's another kick to the crotch. If I'm truly being tested right now about being sober how much harder does it need to get. I just want things to end (no not me or being sober) to start to see things getting better. I don't want to go back to how i was or where i was going but at least then i had my son every day. Right now I'm so tired of "life's little lessons", i just want to be left alone. To keep figuring out who i am and who i want to become. I need life to cut me some slack and let me catch my breath, give me something. At least sometime to catch up and to let me feel good about everything that I'm doing. I know I'm doing all the right things and going about it the right way. I just need a break from this shit for just one day to not think to not worry to not care. I know i need to do something good for myself, something that makes me happy. Being a full time father makes me happy. I'm trying to focus on the positives to keep moving forward with my new life. If someone told me that i would be 4 months sober and getting a divorce i would of laughed at them. This hole in my chest and in my soul is healing and i do feel that what I'm doing is the best for me and my son. Life cut me a little slack please I'm begging you i don't know how much more crap i can take.
Sorry maybe i just needed to vent and be pissed of for awhile today. As long as the sun comes up in the east and goes down in the west i will be OK. I can handle it, besides tomorrow is a new day and that's all i can ask for.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
a mans new world of living with out alcohol
3 comments:
Your reminding me of the saying "Tough times don't last, but tough people do"
On page 15 of the big book it reads "It is a design for living that works in rough going."
as well as:
"There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us."
One day at a time.
Totally know how ya feel. In fact, today is one of those days for me. Since you wrote this yesterday, I'm hoping today was better for you. Let me know, it'll give me some hope.
Don't you just f'ing hate real life sometimes!? Ya, me too.
since i'm a day behind in my life, i'm sure you'll be reading this and feeling a little better already?!?!?! just remember, what you cannot handle, doesn't come your way. but knowing how this feeling feels, all this stuff i'm saying probably doesn't mean a thing. you want to feel better. now. and you will. but you gotta give time a chance. another thing you don't want to hear right now... hell, hang in there. it WILL get better. it's a law of nature, what goes down, must come up.....
Post a Comment