First and foremost i would like to take the time to thank all of you. Your comments do mean a lot to me and they do help, to try to unscramble my brain if even for a little while. I need to hit the phone to talk to other drunks, i need to talk to my friends. I need to try to get back to the positive hopeful person that i am. If i let myself wade around in this self loathing and doubt i will get off my path. I need to stay smart and true to this new me and not drink. That would be the easy thing to do I WILL NOT DRINK BECAUSE OF HER. I do need to get her out of my head, i do need to be there for my son, i do need to be there for me.
I need to get the hope back in my life. I really need to love me right now more than anything. If i love me i will be a better father.
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a mans new world of living with out alcohol
3 comments:
Self-loathing didn't do anything for me. I had to decide to stop beating myself up. I needed to pull myself up. And grab hold to another's hand. hang in there.
distraction helps... why don't you cheer yourself up and spoil yourself for an entire day. play golf, visit with your new friends, go for an outing with your son, anything you really like doing. nothing builds hope quicker than having some fun.
There is nothing easy about sobering up. There is nothing more worthwhile than sobering up. For me, to look in the mirror and not hate myself for what I was doing is a gift. To lay down at night to sleep and be filled with gratitude that I am clean and sober one more day is one of the best feelings in the world.
The changes will come when we work for them. The beginning of Chapter Five in the Big Book asks us if "we are willing to go to any length?"
No where does it promise that we will get our life back the way we want. It does promise:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
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