100 days and on January 1st, kind of weird how these events of days have landed. My longest sober streak came on my birthday December 6Th now 100 days on the new year. There must be something to all of this the way the timing and the days worked out. My life is so crazy the choices my whatever she is, is making makes my head spin. It turns with confusion and sadness at what she wants to become. I know i can't control her but what is she thinking. How will it impact my son with her new life choices. Wow is all i can say the yo-yo effect it has on us. Sunday i spent over at the house for dinner and we talked about making Sunday dinner something we want to continue. And maybe start to see each other once or twice through the week, to now she wants more space and doesn't want to see me at all. Just because i wouldn't watch our son on New Years Eve so she could go drinking with her friends. What ever happens i can handle it, i just want to be the REAL support system for our son. He knows that daddy loves him and will do anything for him. I feel so torn with what i want and what i should do. Part of me wants to help her get herself back together, the other and now the side that is winning says to run like hell. Do what is best for you and your son, i do think about her less every day but this still hurts.
I just want to be happy is that to much to ask for. I hope for the best but maybe the best is to run away from all of her craziness. I want our son to see and be the strong man that he will become because i am a good role model. A sober father who is full of love and hope for all things. A support of person, a caring person, a person he can turn to at any time.
I just want to be loved by someone and i know that it will happen on my new path. I still am full of hope for all that i love. Even though that is trying at times. I hope for a better me and a better father for my son.
I know that i have rambled a lot in this post and that the flow kind of sucks but that is where my head is at.
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a mans new world of living with out alcohol
4 comments:
rambling? I didn't notice. But that is from the king of rambling! You got a long way to go to do that! If you really want to see some rambling just put a drink in my hand. If only you could have seen that back in the day! Oh wait a minute... whose blog is this? RC? Never mind you had front row seats!
Fish
ramble on if that's where the mind is... and of course you want to be happy. we all want to be happy. go find your happy. the happy in yourself. the rest will slot into place all on their own. 100 days, 1 january, kinda cool. not something one's likely to forget...
is that a husky in your photo? we have a husky who is going on 13 next month. she's the best dog we've ever had.
i just found you through another blog and wish you well on your journeys.
Never be afraid of your journey. You are ok and you are sober. Focus on that and all will be well. As for your spouse, consider for the moment that in a sort of twisted way she might be showing you what you were like. If you are working on your steps, get to 4 and 5 quickly. The rest will be revealed. And I guarantee you will be set free.
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